You pretended not to need me, those years ago when the bad seeped in. You pushed me away when the sadness hit. You would tell me “I’m sick in bed today. Think I need to be alone.” And then silence. For days…months at one point. While you may have been honest about how you really were in those moments, You never really left.
You’ve been near since day one. Gaining ever closer as my car ate the miles of time. The lengths you went to, the group chat, and its hidden intentions. When I saw you on social media, I could always tell when you’d been crying, your beautiful eyes, red and swollen with grief’s betrayal.
I tried to move on, too. To pretend that I didn’t love you more than anything I had ever known. I tried to pretend I hadn’t been aching for you for years, that I hadn’t silently needed you and your Love near as my health left me.
While this all may be in the past…knowing how it all hurt you so, breaks my heart into the tiniest fragments. As I bruise my knees to pick them up and clumsily put them back together, I do so now with your hands as if they were my own. I weep as you help me mend the heart we were meant to share. I weep as I pen this because you live within me so deeply, that if time ever stopped, and the planets no longer aligned, I’d climb through any black hole to find our galaxy again. Because I love you, and I’ll do that past times end.