Monsieur,
Love is in the words unspoken. In the sparks lighten up by our laughs. In the silences that feel so comfortable. In the darkest abysses of our minds. In the quiet care we have for each other.
When the storm rages, no matter the loud thunder, no matter the lighting strikes — I find you, and peace finds me. You find me.
You mentioned that you find me calm. I am not calm. You're calming me. That's the difference. You make me want to be the best version of myself. The kind, the loving, the calm. The free, the happy. The loved.
It's making me a bit emotional, not going to lie. Why? Because I have been sharing a decade of my life with a partner that isn't that for me — that isn't you. Because the timing of our meeting seems so wrong — even if I trust it is right.
You entered my life like we enter winter, slowly, quietly, without a fuss. One step at a time, one hour, one moment. Covering everything with a fresh white layer. You gave me something so precious — your time. And I'll always be grateful for it, even if it should stop tomorrow.
Don't mind me if tears start to boil in my eyes. It's all a bit heavy lately on my side of life. And as much joy as you bring me — I already know I will end up heartbroken. Dramatically so. I just hope you won't suffer the same.
I want to protect your heart. Wrap my warm hands around, grip it softly with my fingertips. Hold it so dear. I want to protect your mind. Sugarcoat it with understanding and empathy. I want to protect you at all cost — because you deserve it.
You deserve everything. And I hope you get it. And I hope you know I would have done anything to be the one giving it to you. But all I can do is trust your life partner will. Let's not destroy castles for a fleeting thing.
It came to my knowledge that you said you were in love. Oh, how I wish that was true. But it cannot be, and shouldn't be. You're everything I need — but I wouldn't be able to reciprocate. I don't mean loving you — that's the easy part, consider it done. I mean give you what you need. Not because I don't want to — but because I'm broken, and I wouldn't know how to. Sure, I could try my best — but then disappoint you.
I love you. Of a pure and disinterested love. Platonic maybe, or not. I love who you are, your beautiful, beautiful soul. And if this life cannot reunite us on the physical plane, I sure hope to find you again on the other side.
Yours — now, for ever.